Christian Wilde On Pain Purpose And Personal Growth

Christian Wilde is a cool dad. For the kink of it all, his socials may list him as Daddy Wilde, but the man behind the persona is genuinely affable, plain-spoken, humble and even a little shy. Yet his quiet confidence and authenticity have a way of drawing you in and putting you at ease — which may help explain the success he’s managed to achieve in the course of his 18-year career in the industry.

Asked what he loves to do when not working, Wilde shares: “Take things slow and easy. Go into nature. Sip coffee slowly over good conversations with friends. Music. Taking pleasure in life’s simple things.”

He chalks up this Zen nature in part to simple maturity.

“I think it’s age,” Wilde says. “You reach an age where you’re like, ‘Fuck ’em. This whole experience is finite. It’s going to end.’ Life is not that serious. It’s to be taken lightly. Be nice to people. Be nice to yourself. Be kind.

“You woke up,” he adds. “Enjoy yourself.”

Dealing With Darkness

Raised in a small town called Benicia, in California’s East Bay area, Wilde enjoyed a stereotype-defying healthy upbringing by — wait for it — supportive parents.

“I had it pretty good,” he confirms. “I didn’t have too many horrible things going on. My parents told me they loved me.”

Of course, nobody’s life is Disney-perfect.

“I was a bit of a troublemaker in my teens,” he admits. “I was arrested a couple of times, but I had tons of support. I had a really good system of people around me that helped me deal with the things I was dealing with as a teenager, so fortunately I worked that out of my system without any serious problems or consequences.”

Wilde was contemplative and sensitive.

“I’ve always been a weirdly philosophical type,” he reflects. “I’ve always thought a lot about the universe and shit like that. I was very shy and unsure of myself. I was quiet and introverted, way more influenced by others’ opinions. If someone didn’t like me, it hurt and bothered me so much. I felt like I didn’t like who I was.

“I have this thing where I’ll ruminate and spiral down this negative pattern,” he shares. “Especially when it comes to guilt, shame, remorse and self-pity.”

Part of what shifted this damaging internal dialogue was meditation, which would become one of Wilde’s favorite activities.

“Meditation quieted the self-talk that made me feel really bad about myself,” he recalls. “I slowly developed this ability to appreciate life, feel good about myself and who I am and what I’m doing, and be more positive about things. I could be more like the person I want people to see. “Meditation really keeps me in appreciation of the life I get to live,” he adds.

An Uncertain Start

While meditation helped Wilde feel comfortable in his own skin, he adds that his time in the industry has helped him as well.

Long before he even dreamed of achieving his current level of popularity, his long tenure in the industry or the multiple award nominations he has received, however, Wilde’s adult career kicked off in a somewhat iffy manner, when he responded to an ad looking for male models.

“I was looking for a job because I was living with my mom,” he remembers. “I went on Craigslist and met this dude at the mall to do a solo masturbation thing on film. It paid 300 bucks. It turned out to be a guy building a home video collection.”

Things became a bit dicey, however, when Wilde realized the man wanted to stay in the room.

“He wanted to stay behind the camera, but I asked him to go upstairs,” Wilde recalls. Then after the video was finished, things escalated.

“He asked if he could touch it if he paid me more,” Wilde says.

Despite that cringey encounter, Wilde quickly recognized an opportunity. He had been a dog washer, worked at Home Depot and cleaned motorcycles at a Harley-Davidson dealership. Now he began to think about a new career path.

“I made more in that interaction than I had in two weeks at another job,” Wilde says. “I needed to make money and I wanted to earn as much as I could without working myself to death.”

The freedom also appealed to Wilde’s sensibilities.

“I’ve always been the type of person who valued my time more than anything,” he says. “In all my other jobs, I asked myself, ‘Why am I wasting time working for other people, being somewhere I genuinely don’t want to be?’ I’d choose living paycheck-to-paycheck over someone else dictating my decisions every day of the week.”

Figuring Himself Out

Launching his adult career was not without its struggles, Wilde admits.

“When I first started in the industry, I was very young,” he says. “I was way more influenced by my peers and their opinions of me. I couldn’t quite sort out what my sexuality was, either. It was a very confusing time for me.”

Wilde currently defines his sexuality as “open-minded and open-ended.”

“I’m down to clown, down to fuck around,” he declares. “I like all kinds of sex. I recognize most, if not a vast majority, of my fans are gay men who enjoy watching me fuck cis guys. I enjoy doing that to please my fans. But I also enjoy fucking cis women, trans women, trans men and all combinations thereof.”

His varied career in the adult industry had helped Wilde discover what works for him, he says, not just in sex but in life.

“I am in full control of my own decisions and my own actions,” he affirms. “Where I go. Who I do what with. All those decisions are mine. That’s the essential thing this job affords me.”

It also has given him another gift, enabling him to conquer his shyness.

“It’s helped me become confident and secure in the man that I am,” Wilde says.

Power Play

Wilde starred in almost 600 scenes for various studios and websites. However, Kink.com has been behind a large number of his performances. He credits the site as an important part of his education in BDSM, teaching him to play both dom and sub roles for men and women.

“I had so much of a blessing,” he says. “I got to be trained by the most professional, highly skilled, artistic and creative people, who had been doing it for a long time.

“It’s probably something I never would have explored, had I not been able to do it in the environment that I did it in,” Wilde confesses. “I got this master-class training, both gay and straight. When it’s done correctly, and when there’s trust between people who enjoy what’s happening, enjoy the push-and-pull and find their limits, it can be very intimate.

“I think there are misconceptions about kink being chaotic,” he adds. “I’ve found it to be the complete opposite: very emotional and connected. It’s so complex and it builds these really intimate relationships. It’s so fascinating because it’s the only time in life where we can do these horrifically painful things, which would otherwise be assault. But because we’ve created this game and it’s something we’ve learned to enjoy, it hits a different part of the brain.”

As intense as the kink experience can be, Wilde still maintains a balanced perspective, noting that at its core, kink is all role-play.

“It reminds me of when kids play dragons or when they are sharks in a pool,” he says. “We’re doing the same thing, but the adult version. It’s just play: adult playtime.

“It’s a lot of fun,” Wilde adds.

For Wilde, what really revs his engine is when people give him power over them.

“It feels satisfying,” he affirms. “I like the feelings I can evoke in someone by doing things to their body and asking them things with my voice. I enjoy the power exchange.”

Resurgence, and What Comes Next

Despite an ever-growing list of credits and a thriving business with his website, christianwilde.com, there was a time when Wilde almost left the industry.

“I was planning to get out and take the route of what a ‘normal’ person should do,” he reveals. “I was preparing myself to retire from pornography. I was going to be a paramedic or firefighter.”

Having been raised by a firefighter dad, Wilde respected first responders and approached his goal in a committed fashion.

“I did an intensive crash course certification program,” he says. “I was an EMT in an ambulance.”

Working in an environment where people died everyday reinforced Wilde’s belief in the importance of now.

“Life’s just for fun,” he reiterates. “Love on people.”

Though he loved the job, Wilde ran up against a universal problem.

“It was really great, but EMTs are underpaid,” he says. “So right before the pandemic, I started an OnlyFans to make a little bit of extra money.”

Before that, Wilde had been struggling, waiting on gigs. But OnlyFans sparked a resurgence, helping him find some of his biggest success.

So, what is next on the professional bucket list for a performer who has already done so much?

“I’d still love to do a huge pansexual orgy with all sorts of different-gendered folks,” Wilde says. “I did one of those for Adult Time, but I had to perform with a specific couple of people at the time, so I didn’t get to have my fun the way I wanted to!”

Outside of work, Wilde’s aspirations are decidedly different.

“My dream is to own a rescue farm and have animals and a garden,” he shares. “I would really like some goats, pigs and a lot of dogs. Chickens and ducks. Runner ducks!”

Why Runner ducks specifically?

“They’re just really adorable,” he laughs. “They’re fun to watch. I sometimes watch YouTube videos of runner ducks.”

In addition to confidence and financial security, Wilde says, the industry has given him his family. Bella Wilde, his wife of 14 years, performs and helps to run his website.

“I’m not the admin guy, I’m the dick,” he jokes.

In addition to his partner, he’s also made other lasting connections.

“I’ve made great friends,” he says. “I love working with Chris Damned, Nick LuckyCharms, Derek Kage. A lot of these people have become my genuine friends, my chosen people that I trust and enjoy being around. We spend Christmas and Thanksgiving together. It’s not blood, but it’s pretty close to it.”

Between success and found family, Wilde feels more secure and at home in the industry than ever.

“It’ll give you back what you put into it,” he says. “And more.”